Exit nr 5. toxic trap


Mission statement from: http://kloosterhuistzicht.nl/ 

"Onze visie

In onze beleving hebben mensen met een psychiatrische aandoening of anderszins een beperking, evengoed mogelijkheden en talenten om zichzelf te ontplooien als ieder ander. Zij zijn vaak gewend geraakt dat er naar hen wordt gekeken vanuit hun problematiek. Wij kijken naar de mens als mens met mogelijkheden en recht op een zo hoog mogelijke kwaliteit van leven. Hieraan willen wij bijdragen door de mens centraal te stellen en zijn problematiek in het licht van acceptatie te zetten zodat de mens zelf wellicht tot ontspanning kan komen. In deze ontspanning is pas ruimte voor ontplooiing vanuit de mens zelf. Dit inspireert ons."
(Dutch)

Wij richten ons op meerdere doelgroepen in de leeftijd van 16 tot 60 jaar maar onze belangrijkste doelgroep zijn mensen met autisme. Het kan hierbij gaan om dagbesteding, wonen in een 24/7 setting of arbeidstraining. Grofweg hanteren wij de onderstaande indeling maar zullen altijd bij een intake bepalen of je past binnen de zorgvormen die we bieden:

  • Jongeren en jongvolwassenen in de leeftijd vanaf 16 jaar die op verschillende terreinen extra zorg, ondersteuning, begeleiding e.d. nodig hebben. Het kan gaan om een stoornis uit het autistisch spectrum, al dan niet gepaard met andere beperkingen, psychiatrische problematiek, opvoedingsproblematiek of combinaties hiervan;
  • Mensen met een psychische of psychiatrische hulpvraag; mensen die door (tijdelijke) psychische of psychiatrische problematiek ondersteuning nodig hebben bij het functioneren in het dagelijks leven en in de maatschappij. Je kunt hierbij bijvoorbeeld denken aan mensen met een burn-out, niet aangeboren hersenletsel, borderline, persoonlijkheids- en angststoornissen, etc."

I recommend further reviewing details mentioned on this site first, and the viewing of the TV-interview (Dutch) below. The situation described below was one of many cases of disturbing behaviour observed not by only me, but also experienced by others that are or were part of the group of people that live in Kloosterhuis 't Zicht. Members of the group who had caused trouble were soon offered an appartment, regardless of their diagnose, still assuring the merits of profit through their appointed personal funding (CIS/SVB). Some people were manipulated by the founders in order to establish a higher CIZ indication in order to receive more fundings. Fraud, misconduct, mental abuse is amongst many other forms of malpractice, these are the lesser that form of a constellation of all kinds of acts of misconduct, special kinds of mental abuse I dare not mention.

But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


How to cope?

episode of a series made by local television, including the interview held with a co-founder of the initiative "Kloosterhuis 't Zicht"




(English, attempt to..)
In aid of wanting to diffuse a situation, under the supposed pretext of wanting to help Tanja (co-ounder kloosterhuis 't Zicht) out of a very serious situation, in effort of damage control, motivated by the fact that the group of people that I was part of, people of all ages, most diagnosed with a form of autism that were gathered during the casual daily coffeebreak, were confronted with the TV interview that Tanja had done with the local TV media, I worked out a solution that would help contribute denouncing a certain suggestive remark, a remark that silently disturbed a lot of people within the group. After hearing the remark, some people, including staff, to turned their their eyes towards me, one even turned around to take a look at me, observing me for a brief moment. I gently turned my head looking away from those observing me, acting and looking somewhat uninterested.

“Well, I never heard it before, but it sounds uncommon nonsense.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


(Dutch):
Een onderdeel van de reportage betreft het belang van contact van de veelal autistische bewoners met de omliggende natuur en de dieren. Bepaalde argumentatie heeft bij sommige bewoners de indruk heeft gewekt dat door de benoeming van een karakteristieke overeenkomstigheid van een stereotype gedragseigenschap: "eigenwijsheid", een suggestieve gelijkstelling is gemaakt tussen ezels en mensen gediagnosticeerd met een vorm autisme.

In de reportage gaat het bijv. naamw. "heerlijk" vooraf aan woord "eigenwijs": de gedragseigenschap van "eigenwijsheid" bij ezels is gekoppeld aan "heerlijk", "heerlijk eigenwijs" (een synoniem van eigenwijsheid is koppigheid, in het Engels "stubborn" bij donkeys, mules, paradoxaal: a(.)s(.)s.). Door toevoeging van het woord 'heerlijk' krijgt het pejoratief van het woord "eigenwijsheid", d.w.z. de negatieve emotionele gevoelswaarde van  het woord "eigenwijsheid" of "koppigheid" een verzachtende betekenis en is daardoor als antropomorfisme (het toekennen van een of meerdere karakteristieke menselijke gedragseigenschappen of emoties aan dieren (etc) ) veel eerder positief interpreteerbaar. Zo vallen er vele antromorfismen te noemen bij ezels, in het bijzonder algemeen meer bekendere interculturele attributie van "domheid" (de welbekende straf van het ezelshoedje -ezelsoren moeten dragen, voor bepaalde duur terwijl staande in een hoek met de rug gekeerd richting de klas). De reportage vervolgt de opmerking van de ezels met "Mensen met autisme zijn ook best wel eigenwijs". Omdat "ook best wel" een onduidelijk kwalitatief en kwantitatief begrip is, dekt de gevoelswaarde weer de negatieve connotatie van de gedragseigenschap "eigenwijs". Duidelijk is wel dat het gedrag gelijkgetrokken is. De argumentatie is echter met zodanig met gemak gepresenteerd, door de co-partner van het initiatief "Kloosterhuis 't Zicht", het maken van deze sterke associatie door de eigenschappen van een dier en een persoonlijkheidsstoornis gelijk te trekken, dat de intentie ervan, inherent vragen oproept. De suggestie is compleet door de introductie van de jongen die spreekt over het verblijf bij Kloosterhuis 't Zicht.

“I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


Het feit dat de jongen een impressie geeft over zijn ervaring als mede-bewoner bij het Kloosterhuis, terwijl hij daar expliciet geen deel van uitmaakte, deze jongen was immers speciaal voor het TV-interview van de andere locatie (zorgbboerderij) gehaald om te vertellen over "zijn" ervaring, is, althans voor mij, op z'n minst verontrustend te noemen. "Ik zit hier.." is een indicatie van een dimensie, realiteit die verder gaat dan de suggestie van vergelijking met een dier en autisme..
 
Met een ander doel in gedachten, heb ik voor Tanja (die een lange carriere als schoollerares heeft gehad), de oprichter die spreekt over het Kloosterhuis, een instrument bedacht en als oplossing aangedragen voor het probleem waarover veel twijfel was gaan bestaan. De "oplossing" werd met dank ontvangen en geheel naar verwachting gebruikt. Het betreft een middel om de onmiskenbaar gekoppelde onderdelen van de argumentatie en bewering die de evidente suggestie omvatten, geloofwaardig zou helpen ontkrachten, zodat vragen over deze bewering kon worden afgewend met deze argumentatie, dat het een misverstand zou zijn, een fout in de beredenering om tot die conclusie te komen. Mijn intentie was echter niet het ontkrachten van de suggestie.

Gregory Anton: I knew from the first moment I saw you that you were dangerous to me.
Brian Cameron: I knew from the first moment I saw you that you were dangerous to her.
-quote from the movie Gaslight (1944)


(English, sort of)
Anecdote to correspondence:
I remember that I once worked on a problem, that perhaps was somewhat related to mathematical psychology, by needing to present a hidden truth as a problem to people, raising awareness of a problem, a course of action that I thought of was communicated with me by people that evidently expected from me there was a problem for me to deal with, that I decided to do so accordingly in regard to their expectation. Dealing with this problem included the need for coverage of people who were not aware of the problem, or their situation, that raising awareness was evoke a response by raising collective awareness of the problem, thereby crossing the bounds (or rather crossing the border of my own moral values), to do this appeal to emotion that there was in fact a problem

Presenting the problem to the people, including to the younger ones that trusted me very much, I found that most were indeed not aware of a situation, evoked the expected response of doubt, that led to the discussion of the need to deal with the problem. In order to discuss the problem, needed courage. I subsequently worked out a solution to at least leverage the effect of the problem, by thinking of a instrument, that would be proposed by me to diffuse a situation. 

So, the Labyrinth is a piece of cake, is it? Well, let's see how you deal with this little slice...
- quote from the movie Labyrinth (1986)


Illustration taken from "School van toen". Credits to (link to site).

I was convinced with the certainty that the instrument would be used, and although the solution had also another function, it would be at least convincing enough to dissolve the problem to the younger people that I d expected from to discusss the problem, would diffuse the situation. Denouncing the problem would also confirm a reality to other people that were very well aware of their situation and this problem. The "solution" that I offered was indeed, gladly accepted when I proposed it. I had indeed worked out the solution, under a tight deadline, consisted of a technical approach that involved a sort of "XOR" operation, to disconnect the inherently connected arguments that were part of the problem, it was a technical decomposition composed of a mechanism intended to suggest a disconnection of the arguments that were elements of the problem. Because the denouncement of the problem was to be expected, my solution would contribute the answer by suggesting that the interpretation of the problem was false, due to some sort of fallacy of logical reasoning, leading to to the wrong conclusion, suggesting that the problem was a misinterpretation. As the solution was indeed used when questions about the problem came from brave people,the solution proved to be convincing enough to cover at least the persons that I confronted with and I expected to find their courage were indeed brave enough to question the problem, were convinced that such problem did not exist.

“How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland


The paradoxical result was that the truth value attributed to me as a person, from people that found me trustworthy, they also came to doubt me, because I presented them a problem that seemingly did not exist.

“have i gone mad?
im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.”

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland


While the issue that was raised by me diffused the situation of doubt, which was my intend, that there was no obvious reason any more to discuss matters with me anymore, leverages the truth value of my remarks. This made me sad of course, but I chose to do so. The solution was also affirm to the people I'd expect, that not only the need of denouncement of the problem in the first place. would probably raise serious questions, but the substantiating it with my solution, suggesting some sort of fallacy of reasoning was so astonishing that they kept quiet about. I thought of a way that also covered the people that, when confronted with my solution, that supposedly needed such odd technical detail to denounce the problem, would be absolute proof of evident misconduct they've come to suspect. How to escape out of such a toxic location?

-
On one occasion, when a young member of the group was talking about his grief and disappointment regarding an issue that he had with his family, the conversation was overheard by Tanja, who took the opportunity to teach a lesson of life to the boy. She told about her childhood experience and from there, she told about her grief that the used to had because of her father, who never showed any interest in her career, her initiatives and accomplishments, the story was sad but Tanja concluded the story how she now learned to cope her situation of supposedly neglect of her father, who lacked interest in her, she did so by making both a handgesture, raising her middle finger, while she showed her tongue looking towards empty space, as if directed to her father. When Tanja left, most who were present also left except for me and a beta, a young man in his twenties who often found himself in conflict with the founders of Kloosterhuis 't zicht, Tanja and andre. We both said the same word right after she left, referring to the typical personality disorder, we both agreed upon.
-
On multiple occasions, specific members of the Staff were often found  discussing and talking about the certain delicate intimate compulsive behaviour of specific younger people that were diagnosed ASS and part of the group, these very personal matters about some very intimate habits were discussed and made fun of in their absence, staffmembers were often found talking, spreading mainly gossip, not only about the groupmemembers but also about other members of the staff, including remarks about the founders. This raised a lot of fear and uncertaintly amongst many groupmembers. Delicate, personal detailed information about the younger groupmembers was shared with elder people that were diagnosed with ASS/etc.
-
To relate this phenomena, there was a strong notion of anxiety amongst members of the group, that certain members of, in fear of having to leave, or in fear that someone might accuse them, some of them wanted to expell other group members or to accomplish some goal, to some personal gain, they often searched for, and often found information about other group members, I've witnessed 4 cases where group members totally made up accusations and discussed them with either one or both of the founders. Depending on the goal, andre was often found in favor to be the one dealing with complaints of certain female members of the group. Totally made up accusations were spread around, andre often proved to hold no moral value against any member in that regard, as long as he got the opportunity to allow for his strange habit of screaming, he did so to the accused member, who was then
subjected to the screaming, using his male vocal capacity
to full extend.
-
Both my aidworker Ton and my family have been subjected to this screaming. My family was at a point also accused by one, or a combination of two specific female members who needed andre to accomplish their goal. My father, ex-girlfriend and me witnessed such events of false accusations, which allowed for andre to totally go insane using his voice as a weapon directed to us. andre's strange need to abuse his position by screaming at such level to the subject or persons related to that member, that was to be punished also inflicted the younger group membbers. As for proof of accusation, andre didn't need any because he had the gift of "feeling", (as per suggestion of his ex-wife) The screaming is the most phenomenal act of misconduct directed against people of all ages diagnosed with various forms of autism, I've experienced to date. However, I was capable of coping with loud noise and specific behaviour. With the knowledge that I had to leave the place for my own good, I once tried to listen to the screaming for about 20 minutes until his ex-wife came not once but twice utterly begging if he would lower his voice down, which he couldn't in my case, because I had grabbed a chair to lower myself and sat down to listen to it, this causing him to raise his voice even louder. While he was screaming to my father, I couldn't hardly make up what he was trying to communicate. The screaming of andre was so loud that one could hardly understand what it was about. I can imagine how the younger members of the group, who had less experience with this phenomena must have felt in these cases. For me it was a fascinating experience, to others obviously not, some were often not seen for days, I presume they were in state of shock. I did get complaints of the younger people when andre did his obsessive screaming again to some member of the group.
-
The blame game - example: On one occasion there was the case of the hired workers who complained that their cellphones were hacked when they were surfing the internet, (ab)using the wireless network of the Kloosterhuis. While I was never formally confronted with this , some groupmember told me that the founders had suspected me of hacking the cellphones. Needless to say I disgarded the whole issue with the very notion of very serious legal issues, that in fact the workers were breaking the law in the first place, by illegal use of, what I then called "our network". I knew the group member was actually the one who was accused but, since he regarded me somewhat technical he had obviousbly blamed me instead. The fact that I was not confronted with this accusation perhaps related to the notion that andre had held quite a career in ICT, as he often tried to convince the group that he had such experience, especially when he overheard me talked to some other member of the group discussing or mere mentioning rather other technical problems. I think he was trying to prove something by breaking the conversations I had, in which he succeeded, because most of the people chose not to discuss with me technical problems. This was to my experience, very disturbing because I had no one else to talk to.
-
Many others with different kinds of personality disorders began to conduct the same practices all for their own merits or goals of eliminating other group members. This is what I call "the blame game". Regarding the donkeys, this Orwellian experience became true:


The point of placing this illustration will become clear if one should talk to the other co-founder of Kloosterhuis, the ex-husband of Tanja, andre, especially when mentioning me.
The younger people often came to me and complained about the level of noise, when andre was shouting to them

There's toxic gain in skewing the perception of vulnerable people diagnosed with some form of A.S.S.

Fragment from the movie Gaslight (1944)



How deep does the rabbithole go?

Quentin: I'm not dying in a fucking rat maze!
- quote from the movie: Cube (1997)

I went away singing a Tom Waits song....
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